Sweeter Than Wine
by llwild1992
Summary: For the first time in forever, I felt heartbreak, I found love, I found strength. I was I in a good place, but then I wasn't. I found myself a pawn, not even in control of my own life. I withheld it all, I cared for the other too much, to be selfish, but in the end for me there was one thing left to do, to feel free again. I'm sorry; but I wasn't afraid, but please don't forget me?


llwild1992 (2014- )

I do not own Naruto

Description: For the first time in forever, I felt heartbreak, I found love, I found strength. I was I in a good place, but then I wasn't. I found myself a pawn, not even in control of my own life. There was one thing left to do, to feel free again. I wasn't afraid, but please don't forget me?

* * *

Sweeter than Wine

Prologue

I hope Sasuke, Naruto, Kakashi, and the others will be alright.

That's funny, at this exact moment I am thinking of everyone else, rather than be selfish. I laughed as I looked to the ground, watching each of my feet, bare and covered in mud, move forward. The rain was light, but still enough to create mud. It was an interesting feeling. The suction of the air leaving as my feet p4essed down onto the ground, the mud almost alive as it wrapped itself around my skin, never wanting to let go. To only have that wish be torn apart as I continued to walk.

The surrounding area was interesting. For a mountain there was absolutely no sign of trees or forest. Anything that I, as a Child of Leaf, would dream a mountain's terrain. But I wasn't in Leaf, I am in Lightning Country. Everything here so familiar and yet so foreign to me. The exposed rocks of this mountain a pinky sandy color, speckled with greys and blues. So peculiar. The clouds seemed different, purple, and orange, even as it rained lightly. I couldn't tell the sun was setting, the temperature dropping with each passing moment.

I wanted to get to the top before the sun set. I wanted to watch it. If there was anything I loved about nature, it was the sun set. The feeling that a new dawn was to come after the darkness, that life would renew itself, and continue on its journey. This journey was going to come to an end with this particular sunset. I did not regret it, no did I look forward to it. Ever since I became a ninja, I have always been on a journey. Looking back now, my adventures with Naruto had once seemed like separate incidences that followed each other. But now I realize they had all be one.

One single journey.

It was always us three. Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto. I had begun to ask why it was always us, for years I could never understand it. But it was destiny. Each of us had a part to play. We were strangers, starting out on this journey, never dreaming what we'd have to go through. I never in my wildest dreams imagined any of it. Sasuke's betrayal, Naruto becoming a Toad Sage, even my tutelage under Tsunade. The War with Obito for his revenge on Konoha. None of it, I could never see it coming.

But there we were, standing together as Team Seven once again, unafraid of the future, at the start of another journey. What a team we are! The three of us would one day be legend, spoken of generations to come with the highest respect.

Maybe, just maybe, this would be overlooked to save face?

I chuckled as I continued on the dirt pathway. My arms felt so heavy, they felt dead, and I knew the reason. I had pulled sinbons from my arms minutes ago, blood dripping down my arms, soaking my gloves. I knew I was losing strength, but I had to get to the top of this mountain. I had to see this sun set.

Everyone was alright, I knew it. They were safe. Mom and dad were home in the village, enjoying their twenty fifth anniversary will my gift of a spa weekend. No doubt my dad was causing a ruckus, because massages never worked on him, touch his back, even lightly and he breaks out in hysterical laughing. Mom would probably have her headphone in, blocking him out, trying to focus on herself for once. God how I love her. Super woman, always there for me, dad, and the village. Seeming to do it all. That's how I wanted to be growing up, doing and having it all.

Silly me.

No one ever has it all.

Especially me.

I knew that all too well.

Dreams always die.

I shook at that thought, I am Sakura Haruno, Miss Optimism. Bubble-gum haired, happily smiling, miss do-good, never puts herself first girl from Konoha. That is not how I should think. Or should all others believe. Little do they know—I have been harboring a large planet of ill at ease feelings in my stomach for weeks. Now, now is the opportunity to release this, and be free of all I feel.

Silly, I haven't had the desire to feel in…months. Everything is ruined, and it all is my fault. All of it, I am the source of all this chaos, this bloodshed, this pang of bad feelings. I feel dead. Dead the world, dead inside, I'm sure I looked dead on the outside. And here I am thinking about my god-damned friends and my fucking parents. When is it my turn to think about myself for a change? Now seems like the opportune moment as I drag myself up this mountain.

But I have never thought about myself first. I lead with my heart, never the head. Throwing myself in head first, all in balls out. I laughed, yup sounds like me, so why bother start now? Why should I start caring for myself, I care for others, I am a fucking medic.

Fucking Medic, I care for others first, heal others first. I save lives. I have an important job that always requires my service to others, never the other way around. I can't be Naruto who rallies others behind him, backing him because of his charisma. I can't be Sasuke who wields a reputation because of his sheer power and might. I'll never be as infamous as Kakashi. I will forever be remembered as Tsunade's student, second best. Third of my team, the medic of this ultra-three manned squad, the one in the back. The one depended on but never the champion. I am the background person, never the leading lady.

Damn, you should always be the leading lady in your own story. But I'm not. I thought I was, but in truth I was just the a-typical best friend that never gets her due. She never gets the guy, the romance, the struggle, the self-delivery. Any of it. That's me. I am twenty three, and I have nothing.

Sure I have family and friends, and job, and a 'reputation'. But none of it means anything. I am just Sakura Haruno, the Medic. Plain and simple.

I had such great aspirations for my life, I had goals, and a list. Crap, ripped up into tiny pieces and shitted on. None of it happened because of today.

But today it ends.

The view from top of the mountain was beautiful. The rain had stopped, clouds didn't exist up here. The air was fresh, the wind invigorating, it stings against my cuts but I ignored it. The valley below me was so far down. I looked over the edge, my hair picked up by the wind, flowing around my face like a pink curtain. Brushing them aside with a gloved hand I looked down into the valley, fire had erupted down below, the tree line now red and burning, smoke would surly rise up here soon. The jiggered edges of the mountain jutted out into the view, blocking what I knew was a small river at the base.

Taking in the fresh mountain air I looked towards the sun set. Almost there. A few more minutes. The rock of the mountain was cold against the bareness of my feet, but it was a good cold, it reminded me of why I can up here.

I came up here for them. All of them.

Still unselfish, Sakura. Even in this moment you can't muster the thought to dwell on why you are actually up here, why you chose to be here. This was all your choice, and yet you think about them.

I would say fuck them, but I love them. Probably more than I love myself, which I pathetic. But I can't be selfish when it comes to them. I love them. I love them.

But what I did nearly crushed them.

What I am doing will kill them.

"It will kill me too…" I whispered to the wind, silence responded to me.

"Sakura!" Naruto, Kakashi, and Sasuke appeared in smoke.

Frantically I turned to face them, throwing my hands out warning them to back off. "Naruto, go home." I ordered.

"We're here for you, you come back!"

"Naruto, please," I took a step back, feeling the rounding of the edge under my heel, "Please go back home. You're whole life awaits, go enjoy everything ahead of you. Just leave me."

"We can't do that," Sasuke's thunderous voice spoke as he took a step forward, "we promised each together to stay alive, together."

"Promises are made to be broken."

"Not mine!" Naruto said, jumping forward, "never the ones I've made to you."

"I know," I smiled, "you're too good to me, and I never deserved any of it."

"you deserve everything," Kakashi said, he held his hands out, displaying his grappling hooks to me before throwing them to the side, "what you're doing isn't right."

"You have no idea—my reason, my cause. You don't understand! None of you do!"

"Then come back over and explain it to us." Sasuke unhooked his sword and dropped it, "We can't lose you, not now. Not this way."

"Until now, that was true," I laughed as I looked at the man I loved, the brother I never had, and the awkward uncle-type man. I love them so dearly. The hairs on my neck stood up, sunset was coming.

Carefully I turned around, causing them alarm as I did. I just wanted to see this sunset, it was a beautiful one. Deep blues and purples, contrasting to the bright intensity of oranges, reds, and yellows. It was beautiful, sun dipped closer and closer to the edge of the horizon. I felt tears trail down my cheeks, reaching up, I pressed them into my cold skin, the chakra gloves rough with age against my skin.

In the pit of my stomach I hut. It felt like I had a knife in me, weighting me down and also cutting me. The sun was almost gone and then I saw it, the flash of green. The green light that flashes into the sky as fast as lightning at sunsets. Nearly invisible to the normal eye, one has to be looking for it to witness it. It was indeed beautiful

"It doesn't have to be this way!" Naruto screamed as he held my hand in a vice, trying to pull me back to him and the others.

"Yes," I corrected, "I does." I looked upon the faces of my friends, they were hurt by my actions. Fear splashed across their faces, white and pained. "It's all my fault."

"No, it's not. Doing this will not fix it." Kakashi warned, his voice sprained and missing his usual aloofness. "Come back,"

"No." I said, shaking my head. I felt my glove give way, as Naruto tightened on me. "This is how it has to be."

"Don't,"

"I love you." I smiled I pulled my fingers in, touching the tips to the top of my thumb, loosening the glove. "And I am so sorry."

"Please?" Naruto begged as he felt my hand move, "please."

"Don't forget me?" I asked, before I pulled back on my hand, leaving the glove in Naruto's.

Gravity pulled me, and I did nothing to fight it, allowing it to take me. I closed my eyes. I couldn't bear to watch Naurto's expression as he lost me. I heard his guttural screams as Sasuke pulled him back so he wouldn't fall. I felt like I was at peace. The wind deafened me as I went. The air felt like both a comfort and an enemy as I was captured, released, and cocooned in its presence. I felt nothing but the cold at my back, and the pressure of the knife leaving me.

Should I feel regret?

Should I be cursing myself for this?

Was it a mistake?

I wasn't afraid.

I wasn't sad.

But I…

…

…

…

I suddenly felt free.

And I hadn't had that feeling in a long time.

It was intoxicating.

It tasted sweeter than any wine, felt warmer than any blanket, stronger than any embrace.

FIN


End file.
